Gabi Froden: The curse of soggy crackerbread

A while back, I visited my friend in Gothenburg and had a shock when I walked into her kitchen. She had a basket with crackerbreads sitting out! It had been sitting out overnight and the crackerbread was still cracking! No crunch lost.

In the UK, all your biscuits and crackerbreads must be safely stored in closed containers, at all times. Don’t let anything sit out for longer than 30 minutes. Your biscuits will be soggy. This is the curse of living on an island. You are essentially living inside a cloud and you end up eating very sad, floppy food because of it.

There are many ways your life is affected by the moist climate of Great Britain. Your sofa mustn’t sit too close to the wall unless you want mould to grow on both the furniture and the wall. If you want black mould all over your windowsills, have some regular house plants.

Do you want to go for a lovely walk in the sunshine? Bring a raincoat at all times. And then sweat buckets because the weather has decided to be muggy. Muggy! It’s the worst! Mugginess. Warm and close and awful. Don’t get me wrong, I love living in the UK. But I am so over having to turn on a massive dehumidifier every time I boil an egg.

I deeply miss being able to leave a biscuit out and return to eat it at a later stage without it having lost any of its crunch. I dream of dry, cold Scandinavia and crackerbread that doesn’t bend. I want crackerbread that cracks!

Yes, these are my current complaints. Please check in later for more, because I’m sure I will have some.