Mette Lisby – Is it just me… – December 2019

… who is too sensitive, or is anybody else bothered by being selected as phone entertainment by bored friends stuck in traffic?

I appreciate people giving me a call, but when I answer the phone and am greeted by that awful din and the distant yelling indicating that whoever called me is calling from the car, it always kills my excitement. The person calling will start the conversation, all excited: “HI! I’M CALLING YOU FROM THE CAR!” and while this information is unnecessary, because otherwise they would not be yelling, it is also code for “I’m bored anyway, so I figured why not see if you had something fun to say?”

Yes, it’s nice that your friends call you to catch up, but bear in mind that the person in the car has nothing else to do, so unless there’s a real, urgent reason, this person is calling me for the sole purpose of killing time – their time. As it happens, however. it will cost me time, too. That person can chit chat about nothing – on my time-dime, because I’m not in traffic and I’ve got stuff to do – for eternities, interrupting only with the guaranteed “Oh! Hang on, I’m just going to change lanes here,” and then I am stopped in my tracks, held up by a traffic jam I’m not even in. I mean, really? How did I end up having to waste my time in traffic, when I’m walking around in my kitchen, probably, at least with some likelihood in my pyjamas?

You don’t really have quality conversations with people while they’re driving, because they are distracted. You can hear them drift off every time you say something, inattentive to what you tell them, as they should be, since they’re driving around in traffic. They are moving around, operating heavy machinery, and it seems wrong that they should also be able to fully appreciate my super interesting stories about funny details from my everyday life.
And bear in mind: whoever is talking to me is in traffic, surrounded by people who are also operating heavy machinery while on their phones – probably talking to you.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this column are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Scan Magazine Ltd.

Mette Lisby is Denmark’s leading female comedian. She invites you to laugh along with her monthly humour columns. Since her stand-up debut in 1992, Mette has hosted the Danish version of Have I Got News For You and Room 101.